“Let us swell with gratitude and allow it to overwhelm us. It isn't as cliche as we make it; life truly is short. Let's spend it all lavishly wallowing in gratitude.”
~ Grace Byers
Beyond the Overwhelm
My days often are filled with gratitude and Love. These are part of the foundation of my work. However, I recently was experiencing overwhelm. I know that I’m not alone in this as I’ve heard about overwhelm from my clients, students, friends, and family. Perhaps you too have been feeling this. Overwhelm has been a presence in my life before, especially when I was younger; however the pandemic situation exacerbates it.
For me, teaching my Apprenticeship during the pandemic was absolutely wonderful AND required much more time and energy. Plus it was clear that I needed to continue to see clients over the summer, when I usually cut my practice way back. All of this meant working very long hours for weeks, actually months, on end which lead to me not taking time for the practices that feed me and allowing other work to pile up. So that when I finished teaching, I was exhausted. After days of rest, I began to look at what had piled up and that is when I noticed the overwhelm. Fortunately, I have great friends and mentors (including the Plants) who reminded me that I need to take time for myself, every day. This is not a new message for me, I know this, I tell my clients the same and yet, I can forget. So I’m sharing this with you in case you need a reminder too. (There are more suggestions for moving beyond overwhelm at the end.)
Our culture feeds on stress. We are often pushed to our limits from many different avenues. While technology has helped us connect more easily with one another, it has come at a cost of expecting people to be “on” 24/7, always able to be reached and to respond to emails at any hour. So for many, we are always at work. This can be particularly difficult for small businesses and people like myself who love what they do.
The overdoing, the exhaustion, the not taking care of your needs are trauma responses. This is not natural, this is not how we are meant to live. If you doubt me, I invite you to spend time in Nature, observe Nature. Yes, there are times when we exert more energy, Squirrels gather nuts for Winter, Plants prepare to blossom. However, everyone rests. It is during this rest that we restore and heal. This rest is what allows us to propel forth with greater energy (and often wisdom).
My life changed ten years ago when I was studying with David Dalton. David talked about the personality of people most prone to contracting Lyme disease. The overall pattern was that they put out more energy than they take in. They do for everyone else and leave themselves for last. This was me. (I also contracted Lyme five years prior to this and was still symptomatic.)
I realized that if I wanted to be helpful to anyone, I needed to change my priorities and pay attention to my own well-being (and yes, I recognize the Type A in this statement). Of course this is much easier to do when life is flowing at a calmer pace. When things begin to get hectic that old pattern sets in. Again, this is a trauma response. This response has been passed down in my family and it is celebrated in our culture. Resmaa Menakam writes, “Trauma in a people, decontextualized over time, can look like culture.” This means that when we decide to move through life differently, we can receive backlash because we are rocking that boat of culture. However, we need to rock away.
We know how dangerous stress is to our health. Continuous stress prevents our body from moving into restorative mode, in other words prevents us from healing. David Dalton says that one of the biggest signs that someone will be able to recover from an illness is that they are willing to shift out of the Type A personality.
Life is meant to be enjoyed. We only experience this beautiful Earth for a short time period. My friend reminded me that we wait a long time to incarnate into this world. Then when we get here, so many of us want to leave as quickly as we can or act as if we have to put our time in so that we can get back to that other world. We forget what a precious gift it is to be alive, to truly get to experience life on Earth.
Overwhelm is not a bad thing. It is a sign. Your body is trying to get your attention, helping you to remember to enjoy life. I have learned that when I feel overwhelmed I have not been spending enough time in Nature nor listening to the Music of the Plants. When I return to my practices and simply be in Nature, then suddenly all feels possible again. I am reminded that everything does not have to be done right NOW. There is a natural timing to everything and this is often different than the expectations that I have in my head (I am a double Aries, patience can be a struggle).
suggestions for dealing with acute overwhelm:
Spend time in Nature - This is the Nature that is close by. Perhaps your backyard. Perhaps a Tree growing along the street in front of your house. (Trees are particularly helpful for getting us in our bodies and grounded.) Perhaps a potted Plant. Perhaps a neighborhood park. Perhaps a Dandelion growing out of the sidewalk. Perhaps watching the birds fly overhead or the Squirrels running along the wires. Of course, you can go to someplace Wild. However, the ideal is that this is a place that you can experience daily for at least 20 minutes, okay even 10 is wonderful.
Breathe - Pay attention to your breath. Try to breathe deeply into your belly. I like to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. Remember that this breath is coming from the Plants. Perhaps tap into the gift of this or breathe out gratitude.
Slow Down - Whatever it is you are doing, really focus on it. If you are typing - how do the keys feel? What muscles are moving in order to type? If you are washing dishes - feel the warmth of the water on your hands.
Energy Hygiene - Sometimes overwhelm (and especially if this has moved into anxiety) is caused by a clogged energy body. When our auras are weakened, they no longer protect us from too much energy coming in. This energy accumulates and overtime overwhelms our nervous system, creating anxiety. Energy hygiene - smudging, sacred bathing, Plant limpias, egg limpias, etc. - help to clear our aura of this excess energy. Grounding - imagining that our energetic roots go into the Earth or standing with our spine aligned on a Tree trunk - helps to keep the energy moving down our body rather than stagnating.
Eat or Drink something - preferably something simple and nourishing. Bring your awareness to what you are consuming. Maybe eat an Apple - listen to the crunch, feel the tension of the skin as you bite. Do you taste sour or sweet? How does the Apple feel in your mouth? Bring your awareness to the origins of this Apple. Do you know where it grew? Can you imagine the many Beings involved in bringing this Apple to you from the Tree that was Planted to the Bees to the Harvester. Or drink a cup of herbal tea. Feel the warmth moving down your body. How does the tea feel in your mouth? How many flavors can you taste? Can you identify the Plant(s)? Whoever you are eating or drinking bring your awareness to them feeding your body, nourishing your cells. What a wonderful experience to bring another Being into our bodies and allow ourselves to be nourished by them.
Gratitude - Begin to list what you are grateful for. This is a trick I mention again and again because it works! Gratitude is a magical reset button. Continue to say what you are grateful for as long as you like and at least until you feel a physical shift of your body relaxing.
Take the day off - if you can, or at least a couple hours. And I mean off. Take a nap. Shower. Take a bath. Read a book. Sit quietly. Stare out the window. Listen to music. Dance. Play a game. Laugh. Do something that you enjoy. Get a massage. Exercise. I know that it feels counter intuitive; however, when we have that rest and enjoy life, it really does allow us to tackle the tasks at hand more easily and creatively.
Use your imagination - Take a moment to remember a blissful or relaxing moment. Imagine that you are experiencing this again. Can you feel the sensations? Allow your cells to hold this energy. Imagination is often scorned in our society; however, this is a very important gift. In order to create anything, we have to imagine (or image) it first. With this exercise, we can allow our imagination to shift the energy of our body.
Prioritize - What is most important? What needs your attention right now? What can you let go of? What can wait? While prioritizing, I encourage you to do so with the frame of your own well-being and perhaps the overall well-being of your family. And then start with one step. We can also look at the bigger picture of prioritizing, how do I want my life to be? How do I want to feel as I move throughout the day? How do I want my life to be organized? How do I want to interact with my community? One of the gifts of the pandemic is many conversations about and re-visualizing how we work and connect as well as what is really important in our lives.
Ask for help - This help may be from your partner or family to help with dinner or chores around the house. Or it may be from a friend to help talk you through and remind you of how wonderful you are. Or it may be from a co-worker to help with a project. Or it may be from a therapist or doctor. Or it may be to ask the Plants for help. (I promise amazing things can happen when we ask Nature/Plants for help.) We need to normalize asking for help. We would not want our friends to suffer through on their own, so we can’t expect to do this ourselves.
Herbal Support - Nature is amazing and generous. Ki provides solutions to any of our ailments. There are two main categories of herbs that provide support for overwhelm and stress, adaptogens and nervines. My favorite adaptogen is Tulsi or Holy Basil. Some adaptogens help us to remain healthy while being overworked and stressed. Tulsi is different. Tulsi helps to bring calm and joy to the Heart. Like gratitude, Tulsi acts like a reset button, helping me to enjoy life again. Other adaptogens I take regularly are Reishi, Rhodiola, and Ashwaganda. There are so many, find one that works for you, though please remember that American Ginseng is on the United Plant Savers’ At Risk List, only buy cultivated American Ginseng. Two of my favorite nerviness are skullcap and chamomile. They both lend a sweet calmness.
Flower Essences - There are many Flower Essences that can help with your particular situation and well being. Some Essences that help with general overwhelm are Rescue Remedy (great for in the moment), Blue Vervain (helps us shift out of Type A personality), White Pine (brings a sense of peace and calm), Skunk Cabbage (helps remain calm while surrounded by overwhelm), and Saint John’s Wort (helps to heal the aura, calm the nerves, and add fire to your Soul Force). Motherwort Essence is another great possibility. Motherwort helps us to set boundaries which are often lacking when we are experiencing overwhelm.
Listen to Plant Music - I have found that I am more peaceful when I can listen to the Plants singing throughout the day. In my experience, listing to the Plants helps us to move into our Heart space (like gratitude), which helps us to relax, reduces cortisol, deepens our breathing, helps us to see a broader perspective, helps us be more creative, allows us to focus on the solution, among other benefits. Of course, it is lovely if you can listen to the Plants in your own house, which you can do through the Music of the Plants device. Once a Plant becomes a good singer, they change their song in accordance to their environment. Which means that if we are not feeling well or are stressed, they can help us heal through their song! If you do not have a device, there are a number of artists who have released albums and songs with Plant musicians including many that you can listen to online. Here are some suggestions: https://soundcloud.com/musicoftheplants, https://thesonicapothecary.bandcamp.com/, https://soundofgoldenlight.bandcamp.com/, and https://singinglifeofplants.bandcamp.com/.
Heal the Trauma - This is something that is best done when we are not in the throes of overwhelm or a nervous breakdown. However, when we are experiencing this, we can remind ourselves that the overwhelm is a signal to get our attention. We can then pause and get curious. What is the signal saying? Are we experiencing a trauma response? If so, we can choose a different path rather than forcing ourselves to work through it. Remember always being busy allows us to ignore the trauma and the wounds, it keeps us from really feeling. But this does not help us to heal and grow. Trauma can be very specific - perhaps we had an abusive parent who would attack us if the house wasn’t spotless or who would put us down if we didn’t get straight A’s on our report cards. Trauma can also be a learned trait or a belief system that was passed down from our Ancestors, such as, your value is based on your work ethic or we don’t talk about our feelings. And then there is the cultural trauma - if you are not a hard worker, you will be replaced; you have no value in society unless you make a lot of money or work yourself to the bones. Or the cultural trauma where some bodies are naturally worth more and those who were not born with these bodies have to work harder to prove themselves worthy. Keeping in mind that overwhelm is part of our body’s alert system, if we are constantly experiencing overwhelm or anxiety then this is an invitation to go deeper and get really curious about what is behind the overwhelm.
Reevaluate your diet - The food we eat chemically alters our bodies. If we are consuming foods that we are allergic to, including wheat and dairy, this can have a large affect on our mental and emotional states as well as our physical well being. If overwhelm and anxiety are a common occurrence, you may want to investigate your food choices. Are you eating something that you are allergic to? Are you eating foods that are causing your body to have a stress reaction? Are you getting enough nutrients and nourishment?
These are suggestions that I have found to be useful for myself and my clients. I hope that they can help you too. Again, life is meant to be enjoyed. If overwhelm is a regular part of your life, then I encourage you to get professional help and heal the underlying root issue.
When we have taken care of ourselves and are back into the Flow, we can then turn to others and offer help. Perhaps you now are the one who is talking with a friend or making someone dinner. Or maybe you are able to broaden the help to those you do not know. I know that there are some who cannot follow the above tips. They work two or three jobs to try and put food on the table, it is unthinkable to take a day off. For those of us who are not in this situation, it is important that we help to shift our current culture of overwork and exhaustion. It does not serve anyone. This includes being mindful of our own expectations of others.
If we want to live in a healthy community or country, we need to create a healthier culture. We can do this by pushing for worker’s rights, living wages or even universal basic income, universal health care, good free education systems, and other programs which ensure that everyone’s basic needs are met including: healthy food, clean water to drink, clean air to breathe, access to good healthcare, and a safe place to sleep and call home. When our basic needs are met, it is much easier for us to thrive and follow our Soul’s calling which helps to create that more beautiful world we know is possible. Together, we can thrive.
As we delve into the quiet time of Winter, may you breathe deep, find peace, and enjoy moments that make you grateful for being alive. May you be overwhelmed with gratitude. May we dream of a new way to live in harmony with all Beings.
“Trauma in the person, decontextualized over time can look like personality.
Trauma in a family, decontextualized over time, can look like family traits.
Trauma in a people, decontextualized over time, can look like culture.”
~ Resmaa Menakem
Photo by Flo Maderebner