Why our resolutions fail us: Turning Resolutions into reality 

Every year, we are encouraged to create resolutions for the upcoming year. And yet, most of us know that these resolutions tend to peter out within a few months or weeks or maybe never start. Still gym memberships soar in January. It seems as if we are caught in a relentless cycle of resolution, failing, and the emotional fallout—guilt, shame, self-loathing, self-blame . . . Is this cycle necessary? Could we choose a better way? Are we failing or are our resolutions failing us?

Why Resolutions Fail

Often when we create a resolution, we impose a desired outcome without changing the foundation. For example, a common resolution is that we want to lose weight. We may pick a particular diet or plan to follow; however, if we are not investigating the role the excess weight has in our life: what purpose it is serving, what beliefs support it, any traumatic experiences connected to it, what stories we have about weight or our body . . . we will continue to operate out of the same mindset or energy field. Generally, if we experience weight loss, we will find that this is only temporary.

Bruce Lipton shows us that our subconscious mind is in “control” about 95% of the time.¹ Once we understand this, we realize that if we want to make any lasting changes, we have the most success if we work with our subconscious mind. Changing our beliefs and stories, removing the distortions, and providing support for our Soul lay the foundation for successful resolutions.

Putting effort in these areas saves us from the repeated failures of our resolutions and the inevitable emotional fallout.

Do we fail at our resolutions or do our resolutions fail us?

When we do not stick to our resolutions, our itty-bitty-shitty committee can quickly take over. We can start beating ourselves up, wondering why we are such a failure or what is wrong with us. But rarely do we stop to wonder if this resolution was in alignment with our Soul.

Too often we choose resolutions to help us better satisfy some cultural prerogative. Using the above example, we decide we want to lose weight this year because of the many messages our society pushes that say thin bodies are better/healthier/more attractive. We may see our extra weight as a burden that is blocking us from truly being happy or experiencing love. We become our own cultural enforcer.

Thus, our resolutions become a campaign of self-hatred. If we are “successful” we reinforce that there was something “wrong” with us. And if we “fail”, we prove what we already “know”, we are a failure, we are bad, we are a disappointment. We cannot hate ourselves into change or healing or growth.

If our resolutions enact a campaign of self-hatred or if they do not honor our Soul, they are failing us.

Resolutions of Love

I do not mean to imply that there is anything wrong with wanting to lose weight. However, the energy in which we address this desire (or any desire) is paramount. For example, we recognize that what we eat affects our weight and choose to go on a diet. I might not realize it at first but I see this diet as a form of restriction and control. Soon I am fighting with myself about the food that I eat. If I splurge on junk food, the guilt can last days. Every meal, every snack is a battle.

Another option is to go on a self-Love journey. Instead of focusing on losing weight, I realize how wonderful and downright amazing my body is. I decide that I want to honor and really love my body. One way in which I do this is to see that the food I eat as af offering and I engage with my body when making food choices. This makes it easier for me to choose vegetables over junk food because I can see that this choice is an act of Love for my body. Of course, depending on the day, it is possible that French fries may also be an act of Love. Though if I want to eat fries every day, my body soon lets me know that this does not feel good, it is not an act of Love.

Can you see the difference in these scenarios? Can you feel the difference? One way is imposing and limiting and often not in alignment with the Soul. Frankly, we have enough shame, guilt, and hatred in this world. These do not get us where we want to be.

The other way is soft, loving, and relational. In the second scenario, our focus is no longer about the weight (including the many stories connected to the weight), our focus is now about loving ourselves as we are in every minute. Loving ourselves in this manner is revolutionary. As we love ourselves, we shift the beliefs and the stories. We begin to see the world with new eyes and create a new possibility of being. Who knows what change will come from this shift.

Turning resolutions into reality

One of the great joys of my work is witnessing my clients and students transform. As they heal their old traumas, shift their beliefs, and embrace their Truth, they align more with their Soul and the life their Hearts have been longing for. Sometimes this means that the things they have been struggling with for years, decades suddenly present themselves. Other times they realize that they no longer desire what they were chasing. Either way their lives become more meaningful and peaceful.

We so often think that we have to struggle to heal or grow, we have to fight for what we want. And yet, what I see so often is that we simply need to step aside, stop fighting ourselves, and allow our energies to align with Love.

Our Guides are standing by to assist and support us in our becoming. They conspire to help us create the life we know is possible. Every time we take a step towards this life, we encourage others to remember their Truth. Together we rise in Love.

There is so much beauty and magic in this journey of releasing, restorying, and re-membering. If you would like to experience this within a supportive community, I invite you to join us for Way of the Butterfly.

And if you prefer another way, know that I am here cheering you on. I am only one of many who wish you blessings on your journey. If you ever doubt this, I encourage you to go to a Tree with your Heart in your hands, ask for help, and look around with eyes wide open to see who is showing up for you. It may take a bit, but a guarantee that if you are willing to listen, someone (or maybe many) will step forward to support you. Mostly, they will tell you that you are Love(d).

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1. Lipton, Bruce H. The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter, & Miracles. New York City: Hay House, Inc., 2012. p. 98. ↩︎